How do emotions lead us into the trap of "change resistance" ?

and how Emotional Literacy can release us from this unhealthy trap

Context

In the context work, when a team of people are facing Change, there can be a lot of resistance which can result in abandoning an idea from which everyone would have benefited in the long run. How might we overcome these fears and look at Change as a welcome gift for our personal growth?

What does Change mean ?

Change is about moving to a different place where you will be expected to do more or less of different things (some that you have never done before) and interact differently with different people (some of whom you have never met). Change generates emotions as we feel these external forces are making us drift into the unknown.

What can these emotions be like ?

These can be ANXIETY in the anticipation that our performance drop, the presumption of more work come or FEAR to be judged for the mistakes we might do. FRUSTRATION for not succeeding or ANGER from observing others for not complying. Even INDIGNATION for not feeling "good enough" to cope, while others appear to be fine (but are they really ?) or even GUILT leading to not wanting to admit the challenge and EMBARRASSMENT holding us back from seeking help.

As a consequence to all these feelings, we end up HATING Change and judging it as a very negative occurrence in our life. There is no judgement on my part here, only discernment that this is often the case.

What else is true about change?

Another truth is in what that Heraclitus wrote 500 BC: "The only constant in life is change". So this is not new. It's just the speed a which change occurs which has increased and since we hate it so much, we have created a lot a barriers around us to avoid it, one of which is to complain about it. As a result we have succeeded to place Change on the top pedestal of our worst enemies. However, is that not overrating it a little ?

The amazing conundrum here is that most people who hate change also use the phrase: "I'll be happy when...." This narrative shows that deep inside there is always HOPE for something TO CHANGE.

As Change is a constant of life, let's face it, there is no clear destination. This is a journey that we will be walking all our life and therefore we need to become fit and accustomed to it. To believe that "We will be happy when.... we will reach another destination!", and yet do nothing about it, is a lie which we tell ourselves and which ends up making us feel worse, leads to more anxiety, stress and even burnout.

Here is the trap

How might we convert the HOPE into the WILL TO CHANGE, when we have been so negatively judging the idea of CHANGE ? Would that not be inauthentic, would it not lack integrity, what will people say ? Here it is. We are trapped in the self sabotage of our own emotions.

How to take take the helm and steer ourselves into the journey and avoid the trap.

As a good friend of mine would say: "Use what's there !"

• The emotions: they are there to help us see that something is changing and encourage us to do something about it. That is their role: to inform us. While difficult, it is our choice if we decide to dwell into these "negative" emotions and remain in a hurtful place. Staying where it hurts is unproductive and does not help us to take clearheaded action. Acknowledging these emotions and begin compassionate and non judgmental towards ourselves and others is the first step to move forward. One way to step through them is to talk to other people about our emotions, notice them name them and allow them to express themselves. Emotional literacy enables choice.

• The people: find out how they are feeling and how they are coping so as to build meaningful connections around this journey. Once our "negative" emotions of SHAME or GUILT are "managed", we can allow ourselves to seek for help from others. We must remember that they probably need help as much we do and probably also don't admit it. Let's be creative together in working out what will be the best way to do things together in this new place. Let's be compassionate and vulnerable.

• The things: We will need to drop some things that we liked to do and were easy, do more things that we don't yet like or that we are not yet good at, and learn new things. Let's figure out which things contribute to the overall purpose of the team and decide how we share them and craft our jobs to provide us with the most positive energy. What might we need to learn to master these new Skills & Tasks and enjoy them ?

  
  

It seems simple and yet it is not easy. It begins with good self care. Plenty of water, regular meals with vegetables, enough sleep and exercise to have a full functioning (listen to your grandmother, she knows as change was already happening in her time !) That takes care of your body.

Group coaching using Emotional Literacy around the challenges that a group, a team or a company is facing is a great way to learn to talk responsibility of ones emotions, find a purpose to the journey through change and reap the benefits for the organisation as well as personally.